Well, it happened. I never thought it would happen so soon though. I mean, my daughter was only around the thirteen month mark, but it happened. I knew the day would come, but I thought it would come when she was a teenager, or at the very least eight or nine years old. This dire situation that needed resolving was a simple one. I, along with my wife, disapproved of one of our daughters friends. Yes, it happened. And so early! Of course this friend wasn’t an actual person which made the solution that much more simple. No her friend was not made from flesh and blood, but instead of plastic and rubber. Her friend was the binkie. At first, the binkie put on the smooth talk, and made us all love it, but then the binkie’s true self started to appear. The truth always comes out, as does a person’s true nature. The binkie started influencing my daughter in bad ways, by always wanting to be around. The friendship had to end!
In all seriousness though, we probably waited a little too long to start the process of getting rid of the binkie. The binkie was not only my daughter’s friend, but our friend as well. It is a simple equation really:
Binkie = Daughter Sleep = Parents Get Break
But all good things come to an end. We weren’t scared of the process of removing the binkie and thought our daughter could stop whenever. This is her nature you see. Baby food only lasted a month, and barely that. Once she tasted solid food that didn’t taste like cardboard, she quite baby food cold turkey. She just refused to eat it. Same thing happened with nursing. My wife and I had planned for our daughter to be nursed up until the year mark. We had read about all the ridiculous health benefits nursing had, especially in that first year. Then she would be slowly weened off the nursing over a month or two. Well, on her birthday she had some regular milk in a sippy cup. She looked at me, then at my wife, as if to say, “You mean I could have been drinking from this cup the whole time?!?” She never wanted to nurse again. Ever. My wife tried that night, and our daughter just pushed her away and wanted the cup. So after all this we just assumed the binkie would be the same way.
We. Were. Wrong.
We started noticing she was asking for the binkie more and more. This was not normal. She normally only wanted the binkie when she was taking a nap or going to sleep. She started wanting it randomly through out the day. Then on a Friday we decided it was time. We had a plan to only let her have the binkie at night, when she was going to sleep. Why we started this on a Friday is beyond me. If you didn’t know, my wife and I are Children’s pastors and have services on Saturday night and Sunday morning, and we decided to take away the thing that makes our daughter go to bed on a Friday. Friday, the day before our two busiest days of the week. Life is adventure though right? So nap time came around on this Friday, and our daughter could not understand why we were withholding her binkie. She kept tapping her mouth as if to nicely point out we had forgotten something. This polite tapping transitioned into a screaming strike. A screaming strike is like a hunger strike, but instead of not eating, she screamed to try and break our spirits. This of course only made me stubborn. I quickly realized the weening off of the binkie was not going to work. It had to be all or nothing. So I walked into the room and gathered up all the binkies we had in the house and hid them. They were gone. I kicked that friend to the curb, and my wife and gave up sleep for the next three days. Our beautiful little girl who would fall asleep quickly now took over an hour. This didn’t last long though. It passed, and the three of us are better for it. Although, we did have to take away every version of the binkie, including the one that is sewn onto the baby dolls around the house.
The binkie can be your best friend and worst enemy, and there is only one way to end this adventure. I leave you with the great wisdom of Elmo:
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